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How to Photograph a Puppy

  1. Take the cap off the camera lens.
  2. Remove the lens cap from puppy's mouth and throw the mangled cap into the trash.
  3. Remove the puppy from the trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
  4. Choose suitable background for photo.
  5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
  6. Find puppy and take dirty sock out of the mouth.
  7. Place puppy in prefocused spot and return to camera.
  8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
  9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with the other hand.
  10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
  11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
  12. Put magazines back on coffee table.
  13. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
  14. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
  15. Jump up in time to pick up the puppy and say in a sing-song voice, "No! Pee-pee outside!"
  16. Change out of urine-stained clothes, then grab a wad of paper towels to clean up mess on carpet.
  17. Sit back in chair for deep breathing and resolve to teach puppy to "sit" and "stay" first thing next morning.

- Author Unknown.
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