27 Things Dogs Must Try to Remember

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff even though I haven't gotten the chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what was in it.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before I enter the house.

5. I will not eat the cat's food, before or after they eat it.

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up or have an accident.

7. I will not throw up in the car.

8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

9. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal dung.

10. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food!

11. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard or house depending on which end processes it first.

12. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

13. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

14. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell him.

15. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorraging.

16. I will not take whatever I please and hide it under the bed so my people can have a scavenger hunt looking for it.

17. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

18. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

19. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

20. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

21. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

22. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

23. I will not stand around Mom when she is cooking or when she is carrying her coffee, so she won't trip over me.

24. I will not beg for food at the supper table, and especially not eat someone's food if they leave it for just a moment.

25. I will not tear up the patio furniture, or put holes in the screen so I may jump in and lounge, just because I don't want to stay outside for more than two minutes.

26. I will not chase the cat and knock over breakable things in the process.

27. I will allow Mom and Dad some room and covers when we go to bed.

- Author Unknown.
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